


Amy Santiago's Super Secret Sex Binder

by fangirl_squee



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: D/s elements, F/M, this has been in my wips for so long its now basically an au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-22 10:11:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22714399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fangirl_squee/pseuds/fangirl_squee
Summary: She could figure this out. She was, after all, a great detective.So in true Santiago style she started researching.It was important to know yourself.-Or, Amy figures out some things about herself, and Jake, and the two of them together, not necessarily in that order.
Relationships: Jake Peralta/Amy Santiago
Comments: 10
Kudos: 106





	Amy Santiago's Super Secret Sex Binder

**Author's Note:**

  * For [madelinestarr](https://archiveofourown.org/users/madelinestarr/gifts).



> For maddie, who I told/promised that this was "practically done" almost four literal years ago (happy valentine's day maddie)

It started like most Big, Life-Changing things start - with an innocuous comment that meant nothing at the time.

She and Jake were working a case and Captain McGinley had said that  _ she _ could take the lead on it. Amy had, maybe, elbowed through the door before Jake in order to ask for the lead first, but still, it was  _ exciting  _ being the one in charge. She set out right away, dividing the casework and prepping a binder for each other them. She knew Jake wouldn’t use his, but she liked the organised symmetry of the colour-coded tabs in both of them. A matching set that would come together and make a complete case.

Jake made some throw away joke about how she wanted to be _in_ _charge_ the situation and waggled his eyebrows. Amy, a little flustered, tucked her hair behind her ear and ignored him. It didn’t stand out to anyone other than her, after all, that was her usual reaction to Jake mentioning her theoretical sex life. They'd been partners for a while, so he knew where her boundaries were - he’d brush up against the line to see what she’d do but he wouldn’t cross it. Jake announcing another title for her sex tape wasn't really something she gave that much of a second thought to anymore.

The case was relatively easy, and titles of sex tapes aside, she and Jake worked pretty well together as a team and, despite differences in filing systems and ability to get along with Gina, they always had. She found a lead and he trusted her enough that they both followed it. From being assigned to the case to filling out the final booking paperwork, the whole case only took a week. His remarks, like most of her non-work thoughts, got pushed to the back of her mind until the case was over.

Jake (predictably) whined when she made him stay late to finish the paperwork, even though she  _ knew  _ he didn’t want to come in on his day off to finish it any more than she did. Amy leant over him, putting her hand on the pile of paperwork to stop him from knocking it off the desk. Jake tried to nudge it off anyway.

"Peralta," said Amy.

She waited until he looked up at her. She knew he would, because otherwise it would stretch into a silence, and Jake  _ hated _ that silence.

Jake looked up, but Amy cut him off before he could open his mouth.

"It's not even that much," said Amy, "I know you can do it if you just  _ try _ , and then we both get the day off properly tomorrow."

" _ Santiago _ ," said Jake, moving to knock the  _ other _ stack of files off his desk.

She put her other hand on the files, leaning over Jake to get better leverage. He froze.

Amy let out a slow breath through her nose. "Just. Do this for me, okay Peralta?"

Jake looked up at her with that weird expression on his face that he sometimes got, the one that hovered between fight-or-flight. It was usually a sign that he was going to agree with what she was saying.

After a moment he nodded. Amy relaxed her hold on the folders, moving back to her own desk.

" _ Only _ because Boyle and I have super cool plans," said Jake.

"Sure," said Amy.

After she got home that night she was still a little wired, doing laps of her apartment as she put everything away. She remembered the thrill of earlier, at the thought of the rigid control she’d placed over the case, and having everything so ordered and laid out just like she wanted -

_ Even Jake _ , her mind supplied.

Amy dropped the jumper she had been folding at the thought. Jake, doing exactly what she said, because she had said it. Even though she was alone in her apartment, her cheeks felt hot.

She picked up the jumper, trying to shake it off. Thoughts like that were unprofessional, and anyway, Jake was terrible at following orders… even if he sometimes did what she said without arguing back, his shoulders losing the tension they’d held during the case and - 

Amy shook the jumper out and began refolding it, annoyed at herself. The strain of working a case with Jake all week must have gotten to her. She tried to put it out of her mind. Hopefully something big would happen at work to distract her.

She was in luck - when she went into work on Monday, Terry announced Captain McGinley was retiring. After that, there was too much on her mind to wonder about her own stray thoughts.

  
  


\--

  
  


Captain Holt was, in short, everything Amy dreamed of in a captain. He was organised, meticulous, and punctual. He understood the value of a well-organised file.  _ And _ he had a way of looking at Jake that made Jake go still, and stop whatever goofy thing he was doing and  _ pay attention _ .

Amy made sure to pay close attention to that in particular, trying to figure out the exact tonal inflection and level of gaze intensity that was causing that reaction in Jake. Not that he didn’t pay attention to things she said, but there were times when she wished she could snap Jake out of the goof train he was on as efficiently as Captain Holt could.

She very much wished she had it figured out now. Holt had stopped by to check on their casework, listening patiently to Amy’s brief presentation (only using three charts out of the possible ten which measured case progress), before nodding.

“Good work,” Captain Holt had said, “Please update me when things have progressed further.”

Amy had blushed.

Not a lot -- even Gina wouldn’t have been able to see it from her spot by Holt’s door, and Holt certainly hadn’t acknowledged it in any way. That wasn’t the issue. The issue was that Jake  _ had _ noticed, and now he wouldn’t stop bringing it up.

“Going to update Holt on how your lunch went?” said Jake, tilting his chair back, “Boyle says he’s not much of a foodie, so he might not exactly praise that fancy thai food you had.”

Or

“I finished that report for Holt-- unless of course  _ you _ want to give it to him so you can go through the grammatical errors together.”

Or

“Wow Santiago, I thought you were going to sprain something, you stood up so fast in that briefing, I had no idea you were so into educating preteens, although I  _ did _ already guess you were a big fan of following Holt’s orders.”

Amy tried to ignore him (or snatch the files out of his hands to proofread his grammar -- there was no reason to let shoddy work cross Holt’s desk), but it was particularly annoying because, well, he was right. She  _ did _ like following Holt’s orders. Holt’s orders were sensible, and well-thought out, and always within her boundaries of what she was comfortable with as an officer.

There was nothing weird about that, no matter what Jake implied.

  
  


\--

  
  


Another new thing was Teddy. Teddy was  _ nothing _ like Jake. Or Captain Holt.

It was probably a little odd to compare your boyfriend to your coworker and boss, but they were the men she spent the majority of her time with. Teddy was highly reliable, and effusively complimentary. He enjoyed going to museums, even if he was a little less enthused by their collection of old bookkeeping ledgers as she was. He didn’t even mind that she refolded the clothes he left folded on the chair in her bedroom when he stayed over. He was wonderful, absolutely wonderful.

And the sex was…. Great. It was great. It really was. There was nothing to complain about at all in that department, really.

Except.

Once, when they were making out on her couch, she’d looped her hands loosely around his wrists in pinned them to the couch. Very loosely, very casually. Teddy had grinned and changed their position slightly, pulling out of her grip, and that was that.

And another time, when he was on top of her, and she had this sudden flash of  _ want _ , to pull the full weight of him on top of her, to really pin her down. Teddy was always very careful not to do that. She never quite managed to put it into words.

But really. It was great, and everyone said they were a perfect match for each other, even Gina had said they were equal amounts of boretastic (after Amy had started to tell her about their museum date). So there was nothing to complain about.

Not a single thing.

  
  


\--

  
  


The night Jake got sent undercover, Amy text-bailed on dinner with Teddy, put her phone down on the table in front of her, sat down, and stared into space for about half an hour.

_ Romantic styles. _

Her phone started vibrating. Amy braced herself to look at the screen, then relaxed - it wasn’t Teddy, it was her mom, who was probably calling because Amy hadn’t replied to her email yet.

“Hey mom -”

“Amy, oh thank god,” said her mother, “when you didn’t reply to my email I thought something terrible had happened!”

“I’m sorry mom,” said Amy, “I’ve been so distracted this week, I must have missed the reminder alert on my phone.”

“Next time just text me to let me know, you know how I worry.”

“I know, I will.”

“Now, what’s got you so distracted that you can’t participate in the Santiago Family Email Thread?”

“Just … work stuff.”

“Well I’m sure there’s no  _ work stuff _ that you can’t handle,” said her mother with certainty.

Amy could hear the background noise of her mother making dinner - the clicks of the stove, and soft thunk of wood on metal. It was a comforting noise. She leant back in her chair, tipping her head back and closing her eyes. If focused, she could almost pretend she was standing in the little kitchen of the house she’d grown up in.

“Work’s probably going to be more difficult,” said Amy, to the ceiling.

Something on her mother’s stove sizzled.

“Hmm? Why’s that?”

“Jake - Detective Peralta - he’s -”  _ undercover _ , she thought, her stomach clenching at the implications of danger, “he got fired today.”

Her mother made a concerned noise. “That’s terrible.”

“It’s… I think he’s going through a lot right now,” said Amy.

“And you’re worried about him.’’

Amy sighed. “We all are.” She paused. “As coworkers, it’s not like- anyway. It will be… I mean, I guess I’ll have a new deskmate.”

“That might be a good thing,” said her mother, “weren’t you always saying how untidy he was?”

“Mmm,” Amy managed. Her throat felt tight.

She guided the conversation away from Jake (after all, she couldn’t really say much that was  _ true _ about that whole situation), mostly listening as her mother talked about what her brothers were up to.

Teddy was sympathetic, too, when she told him, pulling her in for a close hug. He organised a date on their next overlapping day off, a tiny exhibition the history of lace making. It was so kind of him, to be so focused on trying to make her feel better.

Without Jake there to distract her, she got her paperwork done a lot faster. She even had time, some days, to meet up with Teddy for lunch. He always chose the cutest places, food that he knew she loved, places he’d read about on Boyle’s food blog, and she did love them, almost as much as if she’d chosen to go to her own old favourite places.

Their date nights went on as they had before. They’d go out to eat, or see a movie, or go to a museum or a park, and it was all… lovely. There certainly wasn’t anything to complain about - Teddy was the perfect gentleman on dates, and avoided talking to specifically about work so they could avoid the subject of Jake.

It helped, and it didn’t. It wasn’t that Amy  _ wanted _ to spend their dates talking about Jake, it was just… she wished she didn’t have to avoid it at home, too. In the precinct, she couldn’t talk about him. For the people who knew about his undercover assignment, the worry made it too sore of a subject, and the people who didn’t felt too embarrassed about how he’d “ended” his career on the force to speak about him.

There were still times where she caught herself about to get his attention from across the desk to run through things, or how she would brace for him to joke about something during a briefing, only for nothing to come. Somehow, he was even more  _ there _ now that he wasn’t, everything a reminder of how he’d fit into her life so easily she hadn’t even realised it.

Captain Holt briefed the few of them that knew about his assignment the day he was due to come back. Amy spent the day looking up every time a phone rang (bad news? Good news?) or a new person walked out of the elevator. She bought lunch but ended up just tearing her grilled cheese into small pieces, her stomach churning too much to feel like eating.

It was late in the day when Terry finally got  _ the call _ . She could tell it was  _ the call _ , because he stood up after he answered, keeping his responses short. Amy held her breath, only letting it out once she saw Terry’s shoulders relax, tension that had been there since Jake had left leaving his body.

They were called into Captain Holt’s office, of course, to discuss what they could say about Jake’s assignment if people asked (very, very little) and what would happen now (psych evaluations and light workload for Jake before he came was officially allowed to return).

Amy canceled on Teddy that night. As much fun as she was sure the new artisanal pizza place he’d discovered would be, she wasn’t really in the right headspace for it. She got takeout from her favourite place and tried to find something to distract herself. Whatever romantic stylez notions Jake had had for her surely would have evaporated by now, so thinking about it at all was a waste of time.

When she turned on the tv,  _ Die Hard _ was on. If she was the sort of person to believe in signs, this would have felt like one.

Because she wasn’t that sort of person, she put the takeout in the fridge and went to bed instead. Jake would be back, and soon everything would go back to the way it had been before. 

  
  


\--

  
  


Rather than fading away, the unsettled feeling she’d had was even worse now that Jake was back in the precinct, demanding her attention. He wasn’t even doing anything that she could point to specifically, which was doubly annoying. He was just  _ sitting  _ there, letting his papers get on her side of the desk and laughing just a little too loudly with Boyle, distracting her like he always had.

Teddy called, wanting to meet her for lunch, there was this great little place he’d found out about that was only a few blocks away, he was sure she’d love it.

Jake walked out of the elevator, drawing her eyes to him. He grinned at her, taking a deliberately large bite out of his sandwich. Amy made a face at him. He made one right back, and she quickly looked down at her desk to hide a smile.

“It’s got these  _ great  _ noodles,” Teddy was saying, “They hand make it all there in the shop.”

Jake dropped something on her desk. She knew immediately what it was, the slightly-greasy checkerboard wrapping on her favourite sandwich place. Amy looked up at him.

“Uh- wait-” said Jake.

He put down his sandwich (Amy wrinkled her nose as some of its contents spilled onto his desk), fumbling for a pad and pen, scrawling something down.

_ Italian sub extra olives, right? _

Something warm fluttered in Amy’s stomach. She nodded.

“Amy?” said Teddy.

Amy shook herself. “I- sorry. Something’s come up, raincheck?”

“Everything okay?” said Teddy, the concern in his voice genuine.

“Yeah, everything’s fine,” said Amy, “I’ll- I’ll call you later.”

She swallowed, setting down the phone.

She looked up to see Jake still watching her. “Um. Thanks. For the sandwich.”

“No problem,” said Jake, “I was in there getting my own, so, y’know, got you one too. Partner stuff, right?”

“Right,” said Amy.

Jake’s cheeks were flushed. She was sure her’s looked the same.

There was something in the expression on his face, like he’d been waiting for her approval, like he’d been  _ wanting  _ it. Teddy, for all that he was perfect for her, for all that he liked going to the places she liked going to, for all that he was polite and on time and organsied,  _ never _ looked at her like that. Amy curled her toes in her shoes, remembering the expression on Jake’s face.

She called Teddy, because she’d said that she would, but it wasn’t a pleasant call. Break up conversations never were, after all.

Teddy was upset, not unreasonably so, and Amy felt… she wasn’t sure what she felt. Sad, maybe. Relieved, maybe.

Whatever she was feeling, Captain Holt noticed it enough to call her into his office. He motioned for her to shut the door and take a seat, which she did, keeping her movements precise and sitting ramrod straight in the chair opposite him.

Captain Holt cleared his throat, sitting back in his chair. The silence stretched.

“Captain Holt?” said Amy hesitantly, “Sir?”

“Santiago,” said Captain Holt. He paused. “I noted that today you have not been yourself.”

Amy’s shoulders fell. “Sir, I apologise, it won’t happen again, I-”

Holt held up his hand. “I understand that a setback in a romantic sense can cause someone to become unfocussed. When Kevin and I argue, I often find that my performance at work is suboptimal.”

“It’s not that,” said Amy, “I feel fine about that.”

Holt’s eyebrows twitched.

“Um, I mean, these things happen,” said Amy, “I do feel… it’s not great, but I don’t think it’s about that.”

Holt paused, considering her for a long moment. “You are an exemplary detective Santiago. I am sure that you will soon discover the cause.”

Despite everything, Amy spent the rest of the afternoon floating on air.

“What’s with her?” said Rosa.

Jake rolled his eyes. “Holt told her she was a great detective and now she’s loopy over it.”

“I am  _ not _ !” said Amy.

“You so are,” said Jake.

Rosa snorted. “It’s not that unusual. You get the same way when Holt compliments you.” 

“What!” said Jake, “I mean, I  _ know _ I’m great, I don’t need someone to tell me that.”

“Right,” said Rosa.

“I don’t!”

Rosa shrugged, continuing on her way to the kitchen.

“I don’t!” yelled Jake. Several people turned to look at him and he slumped down in his seat.

Amy ducked her head to hide a smile, focusing back on her screen. The pretend focus turned into real focus, and she was about three paragraphs deep into her report when Jake interrupted her again.

“I really don’t,” said Jake.

“Don’t what?” said Amy, not looking away from the screen.

She could see Jake make a face in her peripheral vision, tapping his pen on the stack of folders that sat perpetually in an untidy pile on his desk.

“Nothing.”

Amy blinked. She was careful not to turn towards him, keeping her eyes on her screen even as her awareness turned towards Jake. She tapped out another sentence.

“You know Captain Holt thinks you’re a great detective too,” said Amy, keeping her tone conversational. “I always tell him it’s both of our work, because it is.”

Jake’s pen stopped tapping.

Amy couldn’t help it - her eyes flicked to Jake for a moment before she caught herself, quickly forcing her gaze back on the screen. His expression was hard too hard to read and she couldn’t let herself take a second look to decipher it.

“I wouldn’t take credit for something you did,” said Amy, her voice quiet.

“I- Yeah.” Jake took a quick breath in. “Yeah, no, obviously. I…” He straightened his shoulders. “Obviously Captain Holt thinks I’m a great detective.  _ Obviously _ .”

He was back to being his obnoxious self as they headed out. She was so caught up in the back and forth of their conversation that they were a block in the direction of her subway stop before she frowned, breaking off mid-sentence to look at Jake.

“Isn’t your apartment the other way?”

“Uh-” Jake looked around, startled. “Yeah, it is, I was just- walking you home? If that’s, uh, if that’s okay?”

Amy smiled, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “Sure. You can walk me home.”

She would have felt more embarrassed by how much she was blushing if Jake’s cheeks hadn’t also been so red. They walked together through the streets towards her apartment. Amy’s stomach fluttered as they reached her block, flexing her fingers in her pockets to disperse the nervous energy.

“So this is you, huh?” said Jake.

Amy nodded. “This is me.”

Jake put his hands up to frame the front door of her apartment, opening his mouth to speak as he stepped backwards off the curb. His heel slipped, and he flailed his arms, trying to keep his balance. Without thinking, Amy reached out and caught his wrist, pulling him back up onto the sidewalk.

“Thanks,” said Jake, his voice soft.

“No problem,” said Amy, “That’s what partners are for, right?”

“Yeah,” said Jake. He paused, and she felt the muscles of his wrist flex under her fingers. “Uh-”

Amy immediately let go of his wrist, her cheeks burning. “Sorry!”

“I don’t mind,” said Jake. His eyes went wide, his face going as red as her’s felt. “Uh, I mean, it’s cool, it’s fine.”

“Okay,” said Amy, “Okay, great. Well. I’m just gonna…”

She motioned towards her door.

“Yeah, great,” said Jake. He cleared his throat, looking as though he was steeling himself to say  _ something _ , and then- “See you tomorrow?”

Amy felt oddly disappointed. “Yeah. Wait. No. It’s my day off, but, uh… See you the day after?”

“Cool,” said Jake, “Cool cool cool cool cool. Totally totally totally. See you whenevs.”

She thought about it as she got ready for bed that night, how Jake’s wrist had looked in her hand, how she’d felt the tendons of his wrist flex as he tested her grip but didn’t try to pull away. She blinked up at the ceiling, her face hot, remembering Jake’s wide-eyed expression.

There had to be some kind of term for this. She could figure this out. She was, after all, a great detective.

So in true Santiago style she started researching.

It was important to know yourself.

She got lost in a forest of open tabs and when she looked up it was 3am. She left the laptop open while she went through her night time routine, a highlighted line to keep her place where she was half-way through an article on negotiation. She finished the article and bookmarked the rest for later (filed under personal:social:dating:research:to read).

She fell asleep thinking about contracts and control. She was still thinking about it when she woke up. It sat in the back of her mind as she went through her usual morning routine. Leaving research half-done felt like an itch that was just out of reach, niggling at her as she sped through her usual day-off chores.

She reheated leftovers with the intention of going through her personal email (she  _ knew  _ there was a long family update from her mother that she really should reply to), but instead she ended back in her 'to read' subfolder, going through each tab while her leftovers went cold.

Despite the two-day research binge, it didn’t feel like enough. She wanted something more, something tangible. Amy bit her lip, considering if she had enough ink and paper. She selected a handful of articles to print, and set about putting a binder together.

She chose a plain black one (always a good choice for a Starter, so that it wouldn’t conflict with her colour coding if she needed to expand it later on), picked out her standard five colour file dividers with their co-ordinated post-its, and settled down for an afternoon of hole-punching and document organisation. Amy spread everything out on her dining table, and sighed happily. It was shaping up to be a  _ wonderful  _ afternoon off.

She worked solidly through the afternoon, making notes here and there of sources cited in articles to look up later, references to double-check, books that the library might have. There was a whole new world out there, and a whole new part of herself, and she wanted to be able to catalog it  _ properly _ .

  
  


\--

  
  


It was kind of ridiculous how easy it was to start dating Jake, once they both got to the  _ actually asking each other out _ part of it. It really was like being partners but even  _ better _ because now sometimes when she got that fluttery-hot feeling in the pit of her stomach she could shoot Jake a look, and they could sneak off together somewhere strategically out of the way.

There was another part of it, too, a part that she wasn’t quite sure how to bring up. Sometimes Jake would press her against the wall just a little more forcefully than normal, and she would feel them both exhale sharply in unison, in a way that felt both connected to and separate from their arousal. Sometimes she would take his wrists, like she had with Teddy so long ago, and press them above his head, and (unlike Teddy) he would let her, and, even more, he would keep them there even after she took her hand away. When she thought of those moments, later, she would wonder, trying to remember Jake’s expression, the look in his eyes, trying to piece it together to see if he matched how she felt.

Her folder of checklists and diagrams and personal essays stayed hidden at the back of her closet, slowly growing on the nights they didn’t spend together.

There was probably a talk to be had, about boundaries and what they did and didn’t like, but it was hard to make herself do it. Everything with them was so new, and so fragile in a way that she hadn’t expected it to be, like they were both trying to be so careful not to be the one to wreck whatever was growing between them.

Plus, there’s always the chance that Jake  _ didn’t  _ want that, that she would be asking too much of him and that he’d been doing things just to please her. The thought twisted around in her stomach for the better part of a week, making her put a magnifying glass over every little thing.

Unfortunately (or, fortunately, depending on how you thought of it), Jake was also a great detective. He sat back from where they’d been starting to make out on her bed, his brows drawn together.

“Are you… okay?”

Amy sat up. “Yeah, of course. Are you?”

“I just…” Jake shrugged, turning away a little. “Lately every time that we’re… y’know, you get… you freeze on me, and I don’t… you want this, right Ames?”

Amy put her hand on his arm. “Of course I do. I just…”

Jake let out a breath, his shoulder slumping. “You want to take a break.”

“What! No!” said Amy.

Jake looked up. Amy shifted so that she was sitting next to him on the bed.

“Jake, I…” She took a shaky breath in.

“Amy?” said Jake. His voice had a slight tremor to it.

Amy smoothed out the covers, not looking up as she gathered her courage. “I just… I have something I want to show you, but I’m - I don’t want you to feel like I’m pressuring you, or that this isn’t great as it is, because it  _ is _ great.”

“So great,” said Jake. He reached over and covered her hands with his, stopping her nervous movement. “Ames, what is it?”

Amy swallowed. “It’s easier if I show you.”

She slipped off the bed, using a stool to reach the very back of the top of her closet, pulling out the binder. Her hands shook a little as she looked at it. 

She put it on the bed between them, sitting cross-legged across from Jake. Jake moved to open it and she hurriedly smacked her hand down on the cover, her nerves coming back in a rush.

“Come on Amy, let me see,” said Jake, his tone light and teasing.

Amy bit her lip. “Just… it’s okay if you don’t like it. I don’t want you to feel like you have to do anything you don’t want to do just because we’re dating. And,” she added quickly, “no making fun of me about this, ever.”

“I would never make fun of you! Well, actually, I totally would, but not about something important.” said Jake, his tone turning faux-serious “and I solemnly vow to you that I will never do something I don’t want to do just because we’re dating.”

She took a deep breath and moved her hand. “Okay.”

Jake slowly opened the cover, his eyes scanning down the page. As he flipped through the pages, Amy tried not to fidget. She’d been naked in front of Jake before, but this was the first time she’d felt so exposed.

“Amy Santiago,” said Jake, an odd tone to his voice, “is this your  _ secret sex binder _ ?”

“You said you wouldn’t make fun of me!”

She tried to take the binder back but Jake dodged, still flipping through.

“I’m not! This is totally your super secret binder of sex stuff! Do you have sealed sections of Cosmo in here?”

“Jake!”

Jake looked up, his face changing from gleeful to concerned.

“I -” he let the binder drop back to the bed, “sorry. I guess I kind of messed up the whole not making fun of you thing, huh?”

“Yes,” said Amy, not trusting herself to say anything else.

Jake set the binder down, taking her hands. He studied her face for a long moment. “This is kind of a big deal, huh.”

Amy nodded. “You don’t have to do any of it if you don’t want to.”

Jake squeezed her hands. “Hey. You know me, I’m an adventurous guy.”

“That doesn’t mean you should force yourself to-” Amy broke off, her cheeks hot.

“I know,” said Jake softly. “But I want to.”

He reached for the binder again.

“There are, um-” Amy swallowed. “There are checklists you could start with. To see what kind of stuff you like. If you like it.”

Jake nodded, his face going serious as he studied the pages. Amy tried not to fidget as he read, looking carefully at the curved corner of her dresser. It was a few minutes before Jake spoke again.

“Well some of this stuff is just regular stuff,” said Jake, “Who  _ doesn’t  _ like praise? Who  _ doesn’t  _ like being told what to do?”

Amy blinked, looking over to him. “Uh. Jake?”

“And I mean, being tied down, sure, that’s-that’s-that’s, y’know, but that’s pretty normal, I think, I mean, who hasn’t, and…” He trailed off as he looked up, a flush rising to his face. He pressed his lips together. “Hey, Amy, I, um… what if I  _ do _ like some stuff, on this list?”

“You should mark the stuff you like,” said Amy, her voice low. “And then I’ll show you my checklist.”

“ _ Your _ checklist?” said Jake faintly.

Amy nodded, leaning forward. “And then we can compare them, and talk about where our boundaries are.”

“That’s…” Jake swallowed. “Wow that’s hot.”

She would have thought he was making fun of her but his pupils were blow wide, his hands trembling where he gripped the edge of the binder.

Amy leant forward, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “I’ll go make a cup of coffee, give you some space to do it. If you want more time to think it over-”

“I can do it,” said Jake quickly.

“I know you can,” said Amy, “But I want you to be  _ sure _ . Take all the time you need.”

Jake let out a shaky breath, nodding.

  
  


\--

  
  


It took the better part of a month, between work and nights where they were much too tired to do anything besides collapsing into sleep next to each other or on the phone to each other, Jake presenting her with his carefully chosen list and Amy handing over her’s, her hands shaking so much she almost dropped the pages.

Not everything was the same, of course, but there was a lot of crossover. Amy’s toes curled as she read through Jake’s list, thinking of her matching items and the scenes they could build together with them.

That took a while too, for them to both have a day off at the same time. She wanted them to have the time, before and after, even if it meant they had to wait a little longer than they both would have liked, their looks at each other taking on such a heated quality that Gina threatened to report them to Captain Holt.

“I don’t want to be a part of whatever your nerd thing is,” said Gina.

“You’re not a part of it,” said Amy, “you’re on the other side of the bullpen.”

“I can feel the  _ waves _ of it,” said Gina, “I’m very  _ sensitive _ to  _ waves _ .”

Amy had a strong suspicion that Gina had been the one to push through their request for a day off, so she didn’t push it.

She tried to keep the start of their day as calm as possible. They slept in, a little. Amy went for a jog. Jake made them breakfast. They watched  _ Die Hard _ . As the credits of the movie began to roll, Amy felt her eyes slide to the table, where the binder sat open to their lists. Jake followed her gaze, and she saw him swallow.

“We don’t have to…” said Amy.

“Are you kidding?” said Jake, “I’ve been looking forward to this for like a month! I just… I want to be good for you.”

“It will be,” said Amy, “I trust you.”

Jake nodded, his body tense where she was leaning against him on the couch. She stood up, pulling Jake to his feet.

“Come on.”

“I thought I was going to be in charge this time around?” said Jake, his teasing tone not quite enough to cover the tremor in his voice.

“You will be,” said Amy, “Once we get there.”

She picked up the binder, carrying it with her to the bedroom. Jake followed, his cheeks flushed. She sat on the bed, carefully placing the binder next to her. Jake bent to kiss her and Amy let herself get caught up in the sensations of it, feeling her muscles uncoil. Jake pressed her back on the bed, and she pulled him after her, tugging at the hem of his t-shirt. Jake leaned back to pull it over his head before he kissed her again, deeper this time.

Amy sighed, pulling Jake closer until he was on top of her, his arms bracketing the sides of her head. She pulled back a little, running a hand up and down his back, enjoying the soft sound he made in response.

“So,” said Amy.

Jake shifted a little. “I- I don’t know how to start.”

Amy thought about their lists, neatly filed next to her, and of the things that  _ weren’t _ on the lists, but were just things that she knew about Jake. Wonderful, silly, funny, kind Jake, her partner at work and in life-

“Oh,” said Amy, “You could do your Captain Holt impression.”

Jake opened his mouth and then stopped, scrunching up his face. "I feel weird about doing Holt's voice while I'm basically in my underwear."

"So don't think of it as being Holt's voice," said Amy, "think of it as being your authoritative voice."

" _ Authoritative _ ," said Jake, in his best Holt-impression voice, deep and a touch stern.

Amy shivered.

"So this is really doing it for you huh?" said Jake, in his normal voice.

"That's why I put it in the binder." Amy flushed. “Besides, don’t pretend it does nothing for you.”

Jake’s blush spread down his pale chest and he shifted on the bed, drawing Amy's attention to the growing bulge his jeans. She grinned, moving to run her hands up and down his thighs, letting her nails  _ scrape _ at the inside of his thighs through the denim.

Jake cleared his throat. “Okay, so. How do we … I mean, did you have something in mind?”

She did.  _ Of course _ she did. There was a whole section of that binder dedicated to things she had in mind, but her being in charge would sort of defeat the purpose. So instead so leant forward and caught Jake’s twitching hands.

“I trust you. I’m sure I’ll like whatever you decide to do.”

Jake let out a breath. “Okay.”

He moved so that he was holding her wrists, loosely, like he was testing the waters. Amy looked down at her wrists and then back up to meet Jake’s eyes, waiting. In the silence, she wondered if he could hear her heart pounding.

He let go of her wrists, moving one hand up to cup the side of her face. Jake leant forward and kissed her, strangely quick and chaste.

“Lie back on the bed,” said Jake, his voice deep.

She did, looking back at him for further instructions. Jake stayed where he was, kneeling at the end of bed, watching her. Amy could feel the heat on her cheeks spread, holding her breath as she waited for him to move.

After a moment, Jake crawled down the bed to lay next to her, lying so close to her that their bodies were almost touching. He ran a hand over her body, so close that she could feel the heat of his palm on her skin. As he reached her breast she ached slightly towards his hand. He traced a finger in a lazy pattern along the edge of the bra through her dress, working his way towards her nipple.

Amy gasped as he brushed the pad of his thumb over it, the fabric rough over her sensitive skin. Jake replaced his hand with his mouth, his tongue teasing her nipple through layers of fabric. Amy gripped the sheets tight in her hands, twisting the fabric as she arched towards him.

“Now, now Santiago,” said Jake, his lips brushing against her skin, “Stay still.”

She pressed her lips together, struggling to get her body to comply. She felt Jake pause, smiling against the fabric of her shirt.

“Good,” said Jake.

His fingers crept to the tie at her waist, plucking at the knot for a moment. Amy pressed her lips together, suppressing a laugh.

“Would you like me to help?” said Amy.

“I-” Jake cleared his throat, his voice sliding back into its’ authoritative tone again. “Yes. Undress yourself.”

He sat back, resting his hands on his thighs as he watched her, his gaze so intense that Amy felt dizzy with it. She untangled the knot, letting the dress fall open before she wriggled out of the sleeves. Jake swept his eyes over her, reaching out, and she arched towards him only for him to reach for her dress instead, tugging the fabric out from underneath her. He leant forward until his lips were just brushing her’s.

“Can’t have this getting wrinkled Santiago,” said Jake, “let me hang this up for you.”

“Thank you,” said Amy, feeling a little breathless.

“Don’t move,” said Jake.

Amy nodded, feeling the muscles in her arms ache with the effort of not reaching for him.

Jake took his time, carefully putting the dress back on the hanger, shaking it out and hanging it back up in the closet before he turned back to the bed. He smiled down at her, moving towards the bed.

“You didn’t move,” said Jake, “Good. I think that deserves a reward, don’t you think?”

“ _ Please _ ,” Amy managed.

Jake leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to her lips, his hands running along her sides. Amy felt her muscles tremble with the effort of keeping still, her body desperate to arch into his touch, to curl itself around him, but she wanted to be good, she wanted to be good, she wanted to be-

Jake deepened the kiss at the same time as he ran his fingers along her underwear and Amy couldn’t help it, she gasped, arching into his hand. She froze.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

Jake cupped her cheek, quieting her. “Hey, it’s just a little thing.” He ran his fingers over her again, his touch lingering on the damp fabric. “Understandable, too.” He paused. “Don’t let it happen again.”

Amy nodded, her fingers curling in the mattress underneath her as Jake began to tease her through the fabric. A trickle of sweat began to drip from her hairline as she held herself still, biting her lip to quiet her whines.

Jake ducked his head, mouthing at her neck before he kissed a trail down to her breasts. She felt him hum, thoughtful, against her skin for a moment before he leant back.

“Take off the rest of your clothes.” He paused, his expression slipping for a moment. “Uh, colour?”

“Green,” said Amy quickly, “You?”

“Yes, green, definitely,” said Jake, nodding.

Amy laughed, sitting up a little to undo her bra. She startled as she felt Jake’s hands go to her hips, sliding her underwear down.

“I thought you wanted me to undress myself?” said Amy.

“Changed my mind,” said Jake, ducking his head to press a kiss to her knee. He looked up along her body. “Lie back for me.”

Amy did, gasping as she felt Jake’s mouth move higher, and higher still, until his lips brushed her opening. She felt him exhale slowly, Squeezing her eyes shut with the effort of holding still, her breathing coming fast.

“Colour?” said Jake.

“Green,” said Amy, “Green, Jake,  _ please _ -”

“You can move,” said Jake, “but keep your hands where they are.”

Amy barely managed a nod before Jake’s mouth was on her in earnest, her hips snapping up to meet him. One of his hands slid to her chest, teasing and pinching her nipples, while the other brushed over her opening, gathering the slickness there before Jake pressed inside her. Amy moaned, clutching at the mattress, her feet sliding on the sheets in an attempt to gain purchase. She felt Jake grin against her, and then redouble his efforts in taking her apart.

Time took of a hazy quality to it, a heat settling over Amy’s every thought, narrowing her down to a handful of nerve endings and the soft rumble of Jake’s voice, telling her she was doing a good job, that’s right, that’s good-

“Amy,” said Jake, his deep voice taking on a rough edge to it, “look at me.”

With effort, she raised herself onto her elbows, looking down her body to where Jake was between her legs. She could see Jake’s hand, as he moved three fingers inside of her, his other hand leaning on the binder that contained all her carefully catagorised sexual desires. Seeing both together, knowing that Jake had seen them, was a part of them, was overwhelming.

“Jake,” she managed, her voice shaking.

“It’s okay, Ames,” said Jake, in a soft version of his normal tone, “you can let go.”

He curled his fingers, hitting  _ just _ the right spot inside her again, and she came, unravelling in waves. Jake eased her through her orgasm before lying back down next to her. 

He brushed the hair out of her face. “Ames?”

In answer, Amy raised herself up on one slightly shaky elbow and kissed him, her other hand running up his arm to cup the side of his face. He ran his hands through her hair, skimming over her skin to pull her close to him.

Amy rested her forehead on his after they broke apart. “That was …”

Jake grinned. “Good? Great? Amazing?”

She huffed a laugh. “Yeah.”

In the dim light, Amy could see Jake’s smile soften into something more genuine. 

“Yeah,” he echoed.

Jake pulled the covers over them as they settled back down together on the bed. Amy curled around Jake, tangling their fingers together. Jake kissed her knuckles, keeping their fingers twined together as they fell asleep.

  
  


\--

  
  


It was weeks before they had a chance to try again.

Jake was doing the dishes, using her system of rinsing to the letter. She kissed him on the cheek, wrapping her arms around his chest from behind.

“Thanks,” she said, hooking her chin over his shoulder to watch his movements.

“I’m using your washing system,” said Jake.

Amy hummed. “I can see that. It’s good of you.”

On the word  _ good _ Jake’s hands slipped a little on the dish.

“Yeah, well,” said Jake, “you asked me to, so.”

“Sounds like  _ someone’s _ aiming to get another sticker,” said Amy.

“Well, yeah,” said Jake.

His smile was warm, but there was something about the way his eyes had darkened for a moment that made Amy file the moment away for the next time they both had a day off together. In the end it was Jake that suggested it, pink-cheeked, that the sticker system was cool but, also, maybe, there could be another use for it?

Looking down at the line of stickers on his bare skin as he very carefully folded the last of her cardigans, Amy couldn’t help but agree.

Jake looked up at her as he knelt back, swallowing hard as his erection brushed against his stomach. Amy carefully peeled a sticker from the sheet in her hand.

“Good boy,” said Amy.

Jake’s eyes fluttered closed for a moment, opening again as Amy pressed the sticker to his shoulder. She let her touch linger, sliding her fingers to rest under his chin, keeping his face tilted upwards as she kissed him. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Jake grip his thighs, his hands shaking.

She leant back, keeping her hand on his chin as she looked him over slowly. Jake bit his lip, his gaze flicking to her and then away.

“You’ve done such a good job on your chores today,” said Amy, “I think maybe you’ve got enough stickers here to warrant a  _ real _ reward, wouldn’t you say?”

“ _ Yes _ ,” said Jake.

“Yes what?”

The flush on Jake’s cheeks deepened. “Yes  _ please _ .”

Amy smiled. “Good.”

She walked to the bed, making a small show of lying down on it, arranging herself carefully against the pillows. Jake watched her, still kneeling, his muscles twitching.

Amy lay back, letting out a satisfied sigh before she looked back up. “Come lie down with me.”

Jake stood, stumbling a little as he moved to obey. He let her guide him until he was tucked against her side, shuddering as his erection slid against her clothed hip. Amy ducked her head to kiss him, running a hand up and down his side.

She leant back, studying his face for a moment. “Colour?”

“Green,” breathed Jake.

Amy nodded. “Touch yourself for me?”

Jake shuddered, moaning as he took himself in hand, his rhythm sloppy and desperate. Amy kept an arm around him, keeping him pulled close so that she could kiss him. She raked her nails lightly across Jake's scalp with her free hand, and he shuddered. 

She leant back to murmur against his lips. “Be a good boy Jacob, come for me.”

“I-- I’m--” Jake’s breathing was all ragged panting, his words turning into a choked-off moan.

Amy could feel him trembling as she kissed him.

“Such a good boy,” said Amy.

With a goan, Jake came over his hand, shuddering as she murmured softly to him.

“You did a good job Jake,” said Amy, “You did so well.”

Jake let out a long breath, rolling a little to press his face into the crook of her neck. Amy ran her hand through his hair as he slowly came back to himself.

“Wow,” breathed Jake.

Amy laughed. She felt Jake smile against her skin. Her eyes slid from him to the binder that rested on the bedside table, the pages inside rifled through and highlighted, post-it notes sticking out of the side. She hadn’t had to hide it away in the closet for a while and, with Jake, she never would again.

**Author's Note:**

> come say hi: mariusperkins on most places


End file.
